


Alone

by fir8008



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-01-04
Packaged: 2018-09-14 16:59:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9195023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fir8008/pseuds/fir8008
Summary: It takes a few days to sink in, but when it does, it hits him hard. Takumi can't do this alone.Spoilers for Birthright ending.





	

It takes a few days to sink it, but when it does, it hits him hard. 

 

Takumi can’t do this alone. 

 

The war is over now, but the peace really hasn’t begun. Ryoma and the new king of Nohr have to work out a treaty for a truly lasting peace, and Ryoma is counting on Takumi to help. So Takumi finds himself in Castle Shirasagi’s library more and more with Yukimura leading him around and gathering books for him. It’s exhausting and it’s keeping him away from home for too long. 

 

Home. 

 

Takumi thinks it wouldn’t be so bad if he’d made it out of the war a bachelor, but he isn’t. He didn’t just get married, he had children - children who grew up and became men without him noticing in the Deeprealms. He’s a father. And he’s a husband. 

 

No, he’s a widower. 

 

They hold a memorial for all the soldiers who died in the war and they don’t neglect to include Azura’s name among the fallen. Takumi tries to close his ears to the gasps of the citizenry, tries to shield his eyes from the pitying stares when they see his blue-haired sons. He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t deserve it. He didn’t even see her die. Only Corrin was there. His sister, who hugged him so tight as she told him. Told him she was glad he wasn’t there, that he would’ve broken seeing her and grappling with his helplessness. That if anyone had to bear the burden of watching her die, it was hers alone. 

 

But it’s a false comfort for Takumi. Even if he would’ve been helpless to stop it, he could’ve at least held her hand while she died. At least they could’ve shared her last moment together. 

 

He throws himself into his work with vigor, and at first he’s too busy to feel the pain of the loss. But he’s also too busy to spend time with his children as Sakura points out to him. She tells him that they need him. That they need him for guidance right now facing the loss of their mother. And doesn’t he think they’ve spent too much time in the Deeprealms alone without their parents only to be in their world now but still alone? 

 

Does it matter? Takumi wonders bitterly, their mother is gone forever now. 

 

It matters, Sakura tells him, it matters because he’s still alive. 

 

So Takumi wonders when Sakura became so wise and when she too grew up and became a woman when he wasn’t looking, but he takes her advice, and asks Yukimura for an evening off so he can be with his sons. Yukimura agrees immediately, and a paranoid part of Takumi cringes, wondering if it’s Yukimura’s pity speaking. He waves it off, Sakura will be on his case if he lets his pride start taking precedence over his family and if he’s honest, he really does want to be with his sons. 

 

Home is a strange sentiment to him now. Chambers in the palace are a far cry from the encampment in the Astral Realm, but it’s nice to have his feet on Hoshidan soil nonetheless. Kiragi is there when he walks in, and throws himself into Takumi’s arms almost immediately. It’s as though he’s visiting the Deeprealms again, where Kiragi’s years passed like Takumi’s days. Kiragi drags him farther into their home, chattering a mile a minute about how it’s been so long since all three of them - ah, three, not four - have been home together. Kiragi has been training diligently and Shigure has been on his own mostly, painting, Kiragi thinks, and spending time with his Kinshi. 

 

They sit and eat their evening meal together, Shigure looking sullen, Kiragi trying to elevate the mood, and Takumi wishing he didn’t wish he was still in the palace library. He wonders vaguely if this ever gets easier, and he isn’t terribly confident it will. Shigure retires to his room first, and Takumi feels compelled to ask him to stay awake longer, but he doesn’t. Kiragi stays up with Takumi and brings out a shogi-ban with a smile. 

 

While they play, Kiragi tells Takumi about everything he’s missed. It really does feel like he’s visiting the Deeprealms after a long while again. He’s suddenly hit with a great sense of guilt. Is he subjecting his children to this kind of life again? Because he’s a weak man? Because he’s running away? 

 

It’s not as though Kiragi and Shigure are fending for themselves. Takumi has a big family, so they’re not want for aunts and uncles dropping in to check on them. And Kiragi is training under Setsuna and by extension Hinoka, so there’s always an eye on him. It’s Shigure he’s really worried about, if Takumi is honest. His older son was always closer to his mother and he knows the sudden loss must be taking its toll on him. Kiragi says he hasn’t been talking much and has spent most of his time in his room alone or at the stables, lost in thought. Takumi wants to reach out, but how does he broach the subject when he himself hasn’t made any peace with Azura’s death? 

 

Sakura tells him that he should be honest. That he’s hurting too, but it’s better that they get through losing Azura as a family. After all, didn’t they manage to get through losing Corrin by pulling together instead of drifting apart? 

 

It isn’t the same, Takumi protests, they always clung to the mad hope that Corrin was alive and would return to them. 

 

Maybe so, Sakura concedes, but they had no guarantees that Corrin would return, and when she did, they also didn’t know if she would choose to stay. 

 

Takumi sits on the thought a little longer. A piece of him is waiting to be prodded by his other siblings to talk to Shigure, and he gets his wish later when Ryoma pulls him aside. Ryoma knows what it is to have a closed off son, and he knows that talking is the answer to problems Takumi might not know exist. Shiro used to resent Ryoma for the Deeprealms and the secrecy. And when the war ended Shiro decided to leave Hoshido and go on a journey. 

 

How would I have felt if Shiro left and we were still at odds, Ryoma asks him. How will you feel if Shigure does a similar thing? Takumi doesn’t have answers because Shiro still writes letters to Corrin. Shiro still has a mother. And so does Kana. It isn’t the same.

 

Ryoma just sighs deeply and tells him to spend more time at home. 

 

Maybe it’s Hinoka that finally pushes him over the edge. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t beat around the bush. Maybe it’s just because she grabs him by the shoulders and asks if he thinks he’s the only one who lost Azura, if he thinks he’s the only one mourning her death. Azura was a part of their family - their great, big, maybe dysfunctional family. Did he forget that she was raised in the same places with the same nursemaids as them? Did he forget that Azura was their sister and that they all loved her? Maybe it’s Hinoka in tears again that snaps him out of it. Maybe it’s because Hinoka only cries this way for her family. Maybe it’s because he remembers how much Azura meant to everyone and that before came to treasure her as his wife, she was just another member of their family. And maybe that’s what gives him the strength to talk to Shigure about her. 

 

It’s rough to start. Shigure doesn’t seem interested in talking. It’s clear something is weighing on his mind, but he doesn’t want to share. Takumi doesn’t want to push so he starts by saying he’ll make himself more available to talk. 

 

The peace talks are going well, not that Nohr has much leverage over Hoshidan demands anyway. But Ryoma isn’t interested in twisting Nohr’s arm. He wants real peace and Takumi, despite all his suspicion and paranoia, thinks that the newly crowned King Leo wants the same. Silas had shared the conditions of life in Nohr with them earlier in the war, and Ryoma had been moved. Takumi knows that the idea of his brother-in-law and niece living is such a fraught nation was part of Ryoma’s generosity towards Nohr, but he also knows that even had Hinoka chosen a different groom, a Hoshidan groom maybe, Ryoma would still be just as generous. 

 

Shigure nods and says that he’ll definitely take Takumi up on his offer when the time comes. Takumi is a little worried that might never happen, but he doesn’t surrender just yet. So he mentions that Kiragi has seen him painting, and tells Shigure that he’d love to see his paintings again sometime. Shigure freezes and doesn’t respond. 

 

It prompts Takumi to snoop and inside he berates himself for being so nosy. What kind of a father is he anyway? Jealous of one son and now snooping through the possessions of the other? But he finds what he’s looking for. A canvas covered with a sheet and stuffed in a corner. Takumi knows what it is so he steels himself and pulls the sheet off. 

 

It’s the painting Shigure made of him and Azura. His son is so talented and the painting seems to breathe. Takumi feels his eyes welling up with tears. Azura looks alive on the canvas and she’s beautiful. 

 

And gods, he misses her. 

 

Takumi doesn’t know how long he stands there, tears rolling down his face, and he doesn’t notice when Shigure finally returns and stands beside him. Shigure leans against Takumi, gods when did he get taller than him, and they stand in silence together. 

 

Shigure finally breaks it by saying he’s ready to talk about his mother. He and Takumi sit where they are and Shigure pulls something out of his pocket. It’s Azura’s pendant. The stone doesn’t seem to be shining as brightly as it once did, is it because it’s owner is no longer of the world? Shigure explains that Azura had warned him about the necklace’s power, how one day it might destroy her, and if for some reason she ever disappeared, to throw the necklace in a lake and let it sink to the bottom. 

 

Shigure has had the necklace since Azura disappeared. How can I throw away the only thing I have left of her? Shigure asks him. I know it’s what she wanted me to do, but every time I find myself at the lake, I can’t bring myself to do it. 

 

Takumi understands. Azura disappeared. Corrin says she just materialized into the air. Her grave is just a stone, no body lies there. The necklace is the only tangible part of her left, how could anyone in their situation give it up? Takumi tells his son to hold onto the necklace a little longer. 

 

The peace talks are finalized at last and Ryoma and Leo present the terms to the people of Hoshido and Nohr. They’re going to be on a diplomatic tour soon and Takumi wants to bow out. He doesn’t want to go back there, no matter what. He couldn’t care less about appearances, doesn’t care how it will look if he isn’t there. Azura died in that castle. He isn’t going back there. 

 

Sakura changes his mind, in the end. It’s too important to Ryoma, to the country, to the future, for him to be absent. It’s not enough for some Hoshidans to have a peace treaty. They all know some Hoshidans think that Ryoma was too soft and asked for too few reparations. The Nohrians took their Queen, one of their princesses, countless soldiers and civilians, gods they tried to take the country itself, and Ryoma would let them off that easy? They all know there are sinister whispers about Corrin and her loyalties and did she whisper in Ryoma’s ear to turn his eye away from Nohrian war crimes? And their Princess Hinoka, wed to a Nohrian soldier, a soldier wanting to rebuild to Nohrian army. Rebuild it to have an easy opening back into Hoshido, they whisper. The royal family needs to be a united front if they want the peace to last. 

 

Anyway, Sakura says, Takumi and his sons should visit the place where they lost Azura. Maybe they can finally make their peace there. 

 

The diplomatic tour isn’t as arduous as Takumi feared. Despite the overcast skies, Kiragi is excited to travel and drags Takumi everywhere, wanting to see everything and share all the sights with his father. Yukimura consults with Nohrian villagers about how to build better irrigation systems. Mozu returns to her village and begins rebuilding it by herself, and soon other villages follow suit, inspired. When they marched through this land it seemed so desolate and dead, but now life is stirring beneath the topsoil. 

 

There’s hope growing here. 

 

They visit Castle Krakenburg last. The castle itself seems emptier than normal. It’s the one place that still seems devoid of life. Perhaps it’s because the castle is only inhabited by a few, King Leo suggests. His older brother and younger sister are dead, casualties of war, while his older sister abdicated her claim to the throne, then her royal title entirely and left to care for Nohr’s many new orphans. Moreover, one of his retainers along with one of Camilla’s and one of Xander’s disappeared very suddenly without word as soon as the war ended.

 

The castle is only remnants, King Leo says. That’s why it’s the only place that can’t sustain life. The whole place still reeks of death. 

 

The throne room. The place where it happened. Takumi stands there - did Azura stand here? did Corrin? - and wonders. His sons flank his sides and he can hear Kiragi sniffling. This is the last place Azura stood. Why did it have to be in such a hateful place? 

 

Maybe it’s an imperfect peace they make with Azura’s death, but it’s a peace in the end. And Takumi and Kiragi are there when Shigure takes Azura’s necklace and throws it into the lake. They’re both by his side as he sings a requiem for her. 

 

When everything is finally settled down, Takumi decides to leave Hoshido for a while. There are many villages that are still in ruins and he wants to help his people. His siblings are all doing their parts for Hoshido, and he has to do his. So he departs from Hoshido, has to peel Kiragi and Shigure and Sakura off him first, and makes his way to the war torn borderlands and sheds his royal title temporarily to get his hands dirty rebuilding villages. 

 

He thinks Azura would be proud of him. 

 

Takumi keeps in touch with his family while he’s away. He receives glowing reports from Reina about Shigure’s progress in the Kinshi Knight Brigade. He also gets haphazard letters signed in different places by both Hinoka and Setsuna about Kiragi’s rapid acceleration through the archer ranks. He’s certainly your son, Hinoka writes him. He goes out with Sakura to deliver food to villages daily, and hunts almost every day. Ryoma writes that Kiragi still remembers to study and sees him often in the company of Yukimura, discussing ancient war strategies. Sakura writes him lively stories about everything he’s missing at home, mainly about how Shigure and Hisame have been experimenting with pickling different vegetables and subjecting Hinata to their attempts. He gets one mildly irate letter from Oboro saying he missed the grand reopening of her parents’ tailor shop and that she’ll need a heads up for his return so she can prepare an outfit for his homecoming. Kiragi writes about how much he misses him, but that he’s been working hard both on the archery range and in the classroom. Even Yukimura praises how much Kiragi has learned. Kiragi tells him to hurry home soon so he can show off everything he’s been working on. 

 

The last letter he gets before he begins his trek back to Castle Shirasagi is from Shigure, saying there’s a surprise waiting for him back home. He signs it with a wish for safe travels and Takumi beams. 

 

The day he returns is the height of cherry blossom season and Hoshido is really a sight for sore eyes. He passes villages on the way that are getting back to the way they were before the war and it’s beautiful. 

 

Takumi is greeted by Kiragi throwing himself into his arms. He almost loses his balance but catches himself right before they go tumbling to the ground. Kiragi’s talking a mile a minute again and Takumi just laughs. Shigure is waiting inside and runs to give Takumi a hug. He asks Shigure what his surprise is and Kiragi smiles broadly. They both pull him into the living room and Takumi sees it. Shigure’s painting of Takumi and Azura has been uncovered and beside it is a new painting, the paint still looks wet, of their whole family - all of Takumi’s siblings, their spouses, and their children. His heart swells. Shigure has still painted Azura, smiling demurely at his side, and Takumi feels tears welling up in his eyes. 

  
It’s been a long time, but Takumi feels whole, and realizes he has never been alone. 


End file.
